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递给母亲的甜蜜抚慰（第1页）

递给母亲的甜蜜抚慰

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SqueezeMyHandahatILoveYou

玛丽·马尔丹特MaryMarte

Rememberwhenyouwereadyoufellandhurtyourself?Doyourememberwhatyourmotherdidtoeasethepain?MymraceRose，wouldpickmeup，carrymetoherbed，sitmedownandkissmy“owwie.”

Theonthebedbesideme，takemyhandinhersandsay，“Whenithurts，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”

OverandoverI’dsqueezeherhaime，withoutfail，Iheardthewords，“Mary，Iloveyou.”

&imes，I’dfiendijusttohavethatritualwithher.AsIgrewup，theritualged，butshealwaysfoundaainahejoyIfeltinanyareaofmylife.Ondifficultdaysduringhighschool，she’dofferherfavoriteHersheyournedhmy20s，MomofteosuggestaspontaneouspichatEstabrookParkjusttocelebrateawarm，sunnydayinWis.Ahahank-younotearrivediereverysisheandmyfathermadetomyhmeofhowspecialIwastoher.

ButthemostmemorableritualremainedherholdingmyhandwhenIwasadsayis，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”

，whenIwasinmylate30s，followingavisitbymyparebefore，myfatherphoaysandingandhisdires，butIheardandpanihisvoice.“Mary，something’swrongwithyourmotherandIdon’tknoleaseeoverasquicklyasyou.”

&edrivetomyparents’homefilledmewithdread，weningtomymother.WhenIarrived，IfoundDadpathekitdMomlyingontheirbed.Hereyesweredherhaedoomach.Icalledttokeepmyvoiceasom，I’mhere.”

“Mary?”

“Yes，Mom.”

“Mary，isthatyou?”

“Yes，Mom，it’sme.”

Iaredfortheion，andwhe，Ifroze，notknowing>

“Mary，amIgoingtodie?”

TearswelledupinsidemeasIlookedatmyloviheresohelpless.

Mythoughtsratilthisquestionind:WhatwouldMomsay?

Ipausedforamomentthatseemedlikeamillioio，Idon’tknowifytodie，butifyou’sokay.Iloveyou.”

Sheary，Ihurtsomuch.”

Agaitosay.Isatdowhebed，pickedupherhandandheardmyselfsay，“Mom，whenithurts，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”

Shesqueezedmyhand.

“Mom，Iloveyou.”

Manyhandsqueezesand“Iloveyou”

passedbetweenmymotherahewoyears，untilshepassedawayfromovarianeverknowwheruthwille，butIdoknohentheydo，whomeverI’mwith，Iwilloffermymother’ssweetritualofloveeverytime.“Whenithurts，squeezemyhandahatIloveyou.”