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●Guest Manners（第1页）

●GuestManners

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Peopleusuallyexpectperfethehostandythingisamiss.Whilethesuccessofasocialodoeshehostalosalsoplayanimportantrole.

Whenyou’vebeeathering，youmayhavethoughtitisthehost’sjobtomakesurethateverythioplanandeveryonehasajollytime.Ifyoureallythoughtthat，we’regoingtoguessyou’vealreadymadeatleastofrustratedinyourwake.Ifyourhostendsupfeelingharddoneby，unhappy，therewillbeoheworldwillingtohostevents.Andthosepeoplearealreadyrunningthinontheground.

&wophilosophiesthatyoushouldkeepinmiime;you’llalwaysbeagreatguestwithouteventryi:Youarehesed:Yourhostisnotyourmother.

Whatduestlike?Takealookathoweasilytheyguideyheachstepoftheevent:

■RespondPromptly

Youshouldrespoionassoonaspossible.Becauseyourhostoknownumberssoshegeffortheevent（fooddriever）.Ifnooisgoiomakeit，theoknowtopiotherdateorceltheevent.Ifyoudon’tgiveyourrespoly，yherplanningmoredifficult.Doyouwanttowaitforabetterihefirstprinciple:Youarelikeeveryoodeeveheyareioodoyou.Holdingoutforabetterinviteisimpolite，yourhostwillhatgoesbywithsilence.

■IfYouSayY，Thene.IfYouSayYouAreIfyouaccepttheinvitatioe.Youmaythinkthatthehostprobablywoiepersonmissing，Iiherfoodhasbeensittingoutforanhourandshaveshownupandshe’llbeveryawareoftheworkawentienfoodandundrunkdritherearealeoplebreaktheirpromise，you’lloothosenumbers.

&houghtyouwouldlikehaveasurpriseingforyourhost.Infact，thatisrude.Uhisisacollegepartywhereeveryhttheirownfoodanddrinks，nooneanypeopleshowup，showinguptoaplahatyouhavenotrepliedfor（orhavepreviouslyses）isjustasrudeasnotshowingupwhenyousaidyouwtoputyourhostiryingtofigureetenoughfoodtocovertheextramouthandmaybegotherproblemswherenumbersarea.

■IfYouocelthePlay，DosoasPromptlyasPossibleandwithaGoodReasonEverydaypassesfromthepointwhenyousaidytothepointwhenyousayyou’remayhavemadeplanshtsupplies.Whileitmayseempletelyreasonableforyoutodeetheeventaweekbefore，forawell-preparedhost，shehasbeenalreadydeepintoherpreparationtime.Ifyoukgoiellyourhostaspromptlyasyoutosavehermoneyandwork.

Givingareasonableexcreasesthecesthatshewilleyouoffherlistuestsfuisgoodtobeho.Ifyou’tbepletelyho，bereasohyourexcuse.

■ArrivePromptlyandDonotArriveEarly

Havishowupearlywillthrowthehostinthefrenzy.Suchasherhouseised，hershoweristaken，orthefoodiscooked.Pleaserememberthatallthethingsthatyoutakefraapartyevent—thatthehostiswelingandwarm，thatthereisfoodaplenty，thatthingsruntoschedule—areallbeiupbehindthesesbyyourhoffhersakethehostworkharder.Youwilldefinitelyberememberedforallthe>

■ShoretoYourHost

It’syyourpocketstoprovidehostgifts.Butagestureofappreforheritalityisstillexpedwillmakeherfeelthathereffortandexpensehileaed.Ureallyisyourparent，pleaserememberthatitisedcourseofeventstoopenupyourhousetosomeone—bevisiblyappreciativeofbei.Abunchoffreshflolebottleofwies，orsmallhouseholditemsudlesareallsafesmallgiftsforthehostthatreciated.

Ifyorotherwisefeeliift，arraohavesomethingdeliveredihepartyissmall，casual，orwithafriendreviouslyhosted，itissometimesacceptablefthegift—thoughyou’dbetterewithasmallgiftifyou’renotosure.Thereisreallyablereasupemptyhandedifyou’respeormultiplenightsatsomeone’shouse.

■BeingOfferedRefreshmentisnotYourOpportunitytoMakeSpecialRequestsIfyourhostasksyourpreferene，beer，orpunch，itwillmakethehostembarrassedifyouasksomethiakewhatisraessandgratitude.Agoodhostwilldoherbesttoaodateaguestecialrequest，butgthefirstprincipleofyouarenotspecial，youbesurethatshewillbemutteringyournameandafewchoicederherbreathassooofearshot.

Ifshehastoopenacupboardtoaodateyouorseheershyoujustmis-steppedanddoyourbesttomakeituptoher.Dofraguestsshouldbeservedlikevisiti’sextremelyioimplythatahostdidnotprovideenoughorappropriaterefreshmeyourneeds.Ifyouhavespeeedsandsimplyotgoahoutyoursherry，thenbringitwithyou—andmakesureyouhaveenoughtoofferthehostas.

&ehePartyEvent，KeepYourPromise

Youthoughtyouwouldatteyevent，butyou’rejustnotinthemoodohappewayyoushoulddoistofakeit.Youputosmileaheremakinggoodversationandminglingbecausewehavethesecipletofollow:Thehostisnotyourparent.Itisnotyourhost’sjobtomakeyououtofabadmood.Itisofigureouthowtomakearoomfullofmiserabletalktoeachother.Soatteaime.

Itisunreasoapartytyourmoodupifyou’retheohereveryoneelsedown.Sogissomethingiakea.Inthesameway，whenyougotoajobihaheadache，youalsotrytoputyourbestfootforward.Sotooshouldyougointyourbesttomakeversatioively.Ifyouspeirepartysittinginthehappybecauseofyourbadmin，youwillforeverbrandyourselfasabadguestwhoshowsupandruiyforeveryoneelse.

&hebadmoodoffandparticipate—it’stheverydefinitionofbeingagoodguest.Ifyourhosthaseventsoractivitiesplawithuestsactively.

■ShoretotheHostforHerPreparationofYourAodatioheghasaholethatexposesyoutotheelementsandthebedisrats，immediatelyshoreforwhatyouknowwillbeafht.Ifyouaretoofastidiousfyouafortablebed，aseparatedroom，youwouldmakethehostawkward.Iime，yuest，notaer，andyourhosthasprobablywetheraodatiopossibleforyou.Shratitudeforhereffortandmakesuresheknowsyou’remorethanhappywithyourlot.

&heRoomand

&hatwheiseveha.Keepyourpossessiouckedaossible，makeyourbedfirstthinginthem，andmakesureanyrubbishisclearedaway.Ifyourhostfeelslikesheisplayingmaidbehindyou，you’veincreasedherworktoomuch.Remember，sheisnotyourmother.Eveofhostswillstrugglewithfeeliorialabouttheirhomeandpossessions;youmitigatethatbynysfaraheonareas.

■TrynottoBotherYourHost

Whenyourhostsay，“That’sallright，”

“it’shankyou，Idon’tneedahey’rejustbeinggradtryingtomakeyouasfortableasthey.Shorefortheirattemptsbyreadihesurfacetext.Ifyouoapologiseforsomething，sayitdirectly.Agoodguestistryingnottobotherthehost.Ifyoukeptybaguheliving-room，yourhostofcoursesaidshedidn’tmind.Sheliedwhenshesaidshedidn’tmind;rollitup.Didshetellyouthatitwasoruntotheshopandpickupthatspecialteayouhavetohaveinthems?Shelied.Itisabotherandyoushouldker.

&oHelp

Asaguest，youooffertohelpifnecessary;ifyouarerejedaregardless.gforandgupafteragroupreatdealmoreleimagiheyarealwaystheguestsahehosts.Everydishthatyouleaveoableortaketotheterhastobecollected，washed，dried，andputaway.Didyouhelpwithanyofthat?Youo.Ifyourhostisstandingatthesinkwashingaterdishesasareallstandingbehindherhaviheogiveahand.Ifyourhostsaysno，youseeifthereisanythingelseyouhelp.Shemayhaverefusedbecauseherkitalltoaodatetoomanypeatonce，orsheworksfasteroakealookaround;istherearugthatneedsshakenoutorpillowsthatneedfluffed?Goshakeaheyarejustsmallthings，yourhostwillnotidappreciateforyourefforts.Ohingshouldremember，however:Doohelpohehosthasdoofthework.Shewillsideritfahrow-awayoffer.It’sverynearlyasrudeassayingnothing.

■LeaveWhenYouSayYtoLeave

Ifyousayytoleave，yourhostwillexpressregretthatyouhavetoleave“sosoon”

.Doitanyway.Ifyouhaven’tgivenaspecifigtime，thenfollowthisruleofthumb:Doogo.Ifyou’rethelastoofagroup，youweretheretoolong.Don’taskyourhostwhenyoushouldghero.Iftherelanned，leaveascloseafteritsasisreasohereey，leaveearlyenoughiyourhosthaveplentyoftimetoupandrelaxiyhouse.

■TellYoodbyeinPersonWhenY

Don’tjustdisappearwithoutsayanythinglikeyahotel;it’stheheightofrudeness.Yourhostwasgehhertimeandpossessiohyourappre.Tellhergoodbyeihankherforawoimeandexpressyourhopethatitwasn’ttforher.She’llappreciatethatyouwereatteoherefforts.Itisanespeicewaytoleaveyourhostwithasmallthaorahae.

■FollowupwithaThank-youNote

Itisagoodpracticefueststofollowupwithathank-younote;yourhostwillloveawhoremembersthisthoughtfulgesture.Ittakestwomiaquithepost.gthemoroubleyousavedbyogetahotel—heeysomeoneelsearra.