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日記（第3页）

IheardKasumiandMidoridiscussinghowtopromisethefellowshipamonginstructorsandelders，andIheardhowYukariwouldmakeabloodyexampleofKageyamaforanyonewhodaredtowithholdthemselvesfromvoluntarilytheirfullsurrenderandsubmissiontoher.

IheardKasumilaudingtheidea，sinceallotheracademiesweretradecollegeswithnoshareinthesupremearts.IfKageyama，withitsturiesoftraditioninswordsmanship，magidalchemyprovedtobenomatchagainstthesuperiorHimeyama，thenanypotentialresistancewouldbedisced.

IheardMidoridescribinghowgrandtheempirewouldbeafterYukarireignedovereverypersonandeveryland.IsawYukarishowafaintsmileasheregowassatisfiedbyMidori’sskillfulandofwords...

IwasdebatingabouthowtogetoutofthereandalertKageyamaofHimeyama’sscheme，andIwaslostinmythoughts.WhenIreturnedfrommyimaginaryversationsandwhat-if’sandmaybe-I-should...IfoundtheFivestandingrightbehindme，withtheirshadowsenvelopingme.Iwasscaredandterrified.Icouldnotsayaword.

Ryōsaidshewouldhavefunwithme，seeingthatImustbejustwaitingforhertomakemeintoatoyofhers.“Bepatient”

shetoldme，asIwasdestiobehers.

Midorisaidthatwhenayounggirlwasjustabouttocry，herwateryeyeswouldmakeherheartitch，andtheshimmeringoflightintearsthatwerejustabouttorollwasthemostbeautifulsightintheworld.

Yayoicastaspellonmyneck，andKasumiagreedthatitwouldbeveoturoadolleverynowandthen，soastohaveanespionagedevice.

KasumithenehatIseemedtohaveagoodamountoftalent，probablyonparwithArashi’s，butinmagic.IfIendedupinadvaudies，IcouldtrytoresistthespellafterIfoundacetodetecttherewassomethingunusualonmybody.

Midorithehetopofmyhead，andinvadedmymindandmybodywithhermagic.Flamesengulfedmeontheinside，anditplacedbarrierstopreventgrowthis，whileburningawaymostofmytalentandcapability.

Thefourofthemtookastepbadbowedtheirheads.IwatchedinhorrorasYukariwalkedtowardme，andslowlyraisedafingerofherstowithinafewtimetersofmyforehead.Then，Yukarierasedmymemoryofthewholeenter，fromhearingtheversatihttothatmoment，andshealsoplacedthreespellsinsideme.Oneinmymindtoslowdownmythinkingandthesharpnessofmyfaculties，oneinmyspioslowmedowninmymovements，andoneinmyheartthatwouldturoaremote-trolledexplosivedeviceatherand.

IonlyrememberedtheseafterIwokeup.DuringtherestofthedreamIhadnorecolleofwhathadhappethefootofthemountain.Ilostsciousnessandfellasleep.

Iwokeuptowardtheeveningandfoundmyselfbyaniinglookingrock.Imusthavegoneovertotakealook，andfellasleepthere.

IwentbacktoKageyama，andcouldnotrunveryfast.Itshouldnothavebeenthattiring，evenforuphill，asitwassiderablyeasierthanjumpiweenrocks.

IwasveryexhaustedwhenIfinallygotbadwenttobedsoonafterwards.Ifoundmyselfverysleepyduringtheday，alessinthenight，withveryshallowsleep.Towardmyeighthbirthday，IhadlostallcapabilitytouandAkishi’sdemos，andIfeltnoinklingofenteringthesileall.

Lifebecameverydepressingasaresult.IbelievebymyninthbirthdayIhadentirelygivenup.IaskedArashitowatchthesuwithmeforthelasttime，andIfeltabittermixtureofplicatedemotions.Thesettingsunwaswarm，thelapofArashiwasf，myheartwasindespair，mytearswereflowing...

Arashiletmestaythere，withmyheadonherlap，untiltheeveningwindwastoocoldforme.Ikhatwastheendformyeffortstostandbesideher.Ihadwatchedthesuwithherforthelasttime.

Isigneduptobeakithelperinthem，andaingstaffintheearlyevening.IenjoyedcookinganditmademefeellikeamemberofKageyamaagainwhenIservedfoodinthecafeteriaandsaidhitomyformerclassmates.ingduties，oherhand，weredepressinghoursofloneliness.RemindihatIhadgivenupandhadbeebehind，mymindoftenwandered.

Asaneveningingstaff，IwentintotheHalleverydayoftheweek.Iedclassrooms，offices，laboratoriesandsterooms.IoftenfoundmyselflostindaydreamswhenIwasing，andwouldeventuallysnapoutofittowardthelateendofthenight.

NowasI’mwritingthisdowninmyjournal，IthinkImusthavebeenturnedintoadolltoflipthroughdotsandmanuscripts.ItwouldbeusefulforHimeyamatohaveanaccurateuandingoftheoppos’knowledgeandabilities，andtheproofofthisguessisthat，afterIsuddenlysnappedoutofmydaydreams，IdidnothaveanyrecolleofwhatIwasthinkingabout.ButIneverfoundthatsuspicious，probablyduetoYukari’sspellonmymentalcapacity.

NowasIamwritingthisinmyjournal，Iwonder...Ifoundoutaboutwhathadhappenedbythewater-erodedrockbecauseIretrievedmymemorybackfromwhatwasoncelockeduppartofmymind，whereaswhenIwasturnedintoadoll，myawarenessmusthadbeenforcedintohibernation.Sincemy‘self’washerewhenIgotturnedintoadoll，IwasnotabletoknowwhathadhappenedorwhatthedolldidwhenIwokeupfromthedreamearliertoday.

Aspartofmyingduties，IalsowenttothetraltowerthatsatatoptheMainHall.Theofficesforinstructorsofswordsmanshiptookuptwofloors，andabovethosefloorssatthelibrary，whichtookupfivefloors.Oopwastheseofforbiddenbooks.

Akishionceexplaiomethatsinceforbiddenmagidalchemyalwaysdemandedagreaterpricetobepaidbytheuserthanthepromisedgain，againwhilyhappenedbyaslimce，thesetitles，sidereddangerouselsewhere，wereavailableforopenbrowsinghereatKageyama.

Locatedontopofthelibrarywasthecellor’soffidaseriesofsmalllockedrooms.Ifoundmyselfdaydreamingforlonghoursstandinginfrontofthosedoors.IsupposethatHimeyamawastryingtogainaccesstothem.Maybeimportantsecuritydotsandchartswerekeptthere，butIwouldneverknow.

Iguess，nowI’mwritingthis，thatbeinganeveningingstaffwasaveryeffitwaytoeffectivelyspyonKageyama.

Iwasakithelperandingstafffor，Ithink，atotalofsevenyears.Iwassixteenafterthosesevenyears，andArashiwastwentyone，Akishiwastwentyfive，andHideowastwentythree，soontobetwentyfour.

ThatyearArashigotmarried.Arashihadbeeoneoftheelderswithhermasteryofthesword.Shewasaninstructorattheageofseventeen，andwaselevatedtotheprestigiousstatusayearandhalflater.

Hideobecameasuccessfulalchemist，aablishedhisownworkshopatKageyama.Iwasn’tawareofhowthetwogottogether，butIwasalittleenviousaful.IthoughtHide’owasnotgoodenoughforArashi.

IboughtanobsidianbroochforArashi，andgaveittoherasagiftthedaybeforethemarriage.Iwishedherallthebest.Lotsofstudentsgavegiftstoherthatday.Ibelieve，atthattime，ArashihadbeetheiofKageyama.MorestudentsjoinedafterhearingtheLegendaryElderwhohadadvancedinrankswellpasttherestoftheworld，attheageofeighteenandhalf.

Theweddingwassupposedlygrandandsweet.Ididnotgo.Isatalonebythewestclifffortheentiredaythatday.

Peopletalkedaboutitfordaysafterwards，andthecakewassupposedlysublime.IexcusedmyselffrommykitjobduringthoseweeksbecauseIdidnotwanttobepartofit.

EventuallyIcouldnottakeallthegossipabouthowlovelythenewcouplewaswhenIwaswiorservingmeals，andIquitmykitjob.Ispentmydaysinthelibraryreading，andmyeveningsing.

Twoyearslater，Arashiregnant.Istoppediingwithothersatall.IevenstoppedtalkingtoAkishi，whohadbeeoneofthecellor’sassistants.Ididnotwanttohearpeopleeagerlydiscusswhatbabyclothestoprepare.

Theinfantwasborn，andArashibecamemothertoalittlebabygirlnamedRan，whichmeantorchid.Ranwassenttothecaveswithapileofbabyclothes，manyofthemmadebystudentsandinstructors.Then，aweeklater，newscamebackfromthecave.Arashi’saura，whichwasvisiblewhenevershetratedherstrengthintohersword，wasseenonRan.ThisauraprotectedRaneverysinglemoment，auallythedirectorofthecavedecidedtotakethebabytotheopening，andthebabydidfineisideair.Thiswasthefirsttimeinhistorythatahumanchildcouldsurviveosideofacrystalcaveafterthreedaysofbeingborn.Usually，themother’sspiritwasonlyabletoprotectthechildforthreedaysafterbirth，andthatwasthetimethatpeoplehadtbabiestocavesfortheirownsafety.

RanwasbroughtbacktoKageyama.Therewasanenormouscelebration，asnowafamilycouldfinallybetogether.

Ihadfinishedreadingallregularbooksonmagicayearearlier，anddidnotfindthemhelpfuliingsomeabilitybame.Ithenstartedreadingbooksonforbiddenmagidalchemy.